Half Man Half Biscuit - The Bane Of Constance Chords

(intro) A D    D A D A

D                                        A
“Come now, Vince” she said, “we can’t continue in this way
D                                     A
Seems to me there’s something on your mind.
       D                         A
Should I accept a ride in a tiny craft about your head
D                                      A
Tell me, Vince, the truth what would I find?”

G                                    D
Horse-drawn yawns upon the driveway, Victory V ice cream in stock
C                G                D      
Eintracht Oblong, I should oil my chain.
G                              D
Our front door is Sagittarius, Tibor's kids are underfed
    C                   G                 D      A
And Heswall Flower Club, owe me one pound twelve.

D                                   A
This is what you’d find if you were in that craft today
D                                 A
Doubtless different were you to return.
  D                                   A
I would not blame you in the least if you cut short the flight
D                                      A
Make good your escape it’s not your concern.

G                                     D
Where’s the beetroot? Where the ibex? Dubbing mixer Freddie Slade
C              G              D      
Alpine lockjaw, it was on the cards.
G                       D
Can I buy inflatable dictators anywhere round here?
C                 G             D     A     D G  D G  D G  D A
Iron Age mums are haunting my cagoule.

D                                  C  G
Do stew, scoop off the roadkill.
D                                   C  G         
Straight sets, jet wash the Viceroy.
D                                  C  G
Sore heel, sh*te on the back nine. 
D                                  C  G         
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.

       D                                 C  G
I said Midge Ure looks like a milk thief. 
         D        
Come on, Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.
C                     G
You’re a fine looking woman, Mirabelle.
D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief. 
C                   G         
You still with that chiseller Idris?
D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.
C                                G
Hey, he’s got the ginger beer concession outside the British Museum.

D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.
C               G
We should go to Halfords some time.
D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.
C          G
You and me – not him.
D                                 C  G
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.
D                                 C  G    (fade)
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.