Stephen Lynch - Down To The Old Pub Instead Chords

INTRO:
G    D    C    D


VERSE 1:
G                     D
Lad it's your duty to find you a lass
     C                        D
with child-bearing hips and a pink supple ass
    G                     D                     C     D
And make her you wife and love her with love so true
          G                    D
Now, some rivers run high some rivers run low
         C                         D
When her river runs red then she's starting her flow
         G                       D                       C     D
And it's called menstruation and here's what it means to you
         Em                      C
You will notice her bloomers are spotty at first
      G                 D
Stand back, her ovarian dam 'sgonna burst
     Em                     C
Son, don't be afraid it's a natural thing
     G                       D
Just wind up some cotton and hand her some string
C
Put the old linens on top of the bed
    C                       D                     G     D     C     D
get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead.



VERSE 2:
       G                    D
She'll retain her water her breasts will be tender
    C                         D
And every third word that you say will offend her
    G                        D                     C     D
Get out of the house and go  down to the old pub instead
           G                        D
And she'll want to make love if you do you're a  fool
             C                  D
Cause you'll only end up with a bloody ol' tool
    G                 D                     C     D
Get out of the house, down to the old pub instead
           Em                     C
And she'll want you to sample the fruit of her loins
    G                         D
But son it'll taste like some old rusty coins
   Em                          C
So turn off the lights boy and take off your hat
    G                         D
And drop to your knees say a prayer to saint pat
     C
Then he'll give you the strength to get out of the bed
        C                 D                      G     D     C     D
And for Ireland's sake go down to the old pub instead.


VERSE 3:
        Em                         C
Now the pub is the place where the lads are a meeting
G                            D
When the moon's full and the girls are a bleatin
    Em                        C
The catholic, the protestant even the pagan
    G                          D
The pub is the place when your lady is raggin
   C
So drink of your pint boys and thank your shamrocks
        C
That as men folk we don't have to bleed from our cocks
         C
And that we can escape from the lady in red
        C                       D                                  G (strum slowly) 
And get out of the house and go down ..(pause).. to the old pub instead.