Will Varley - The Self Checkout Shuffle Chords

[Intro Rift]
 
Will Varley plays the intro like this. He hammers on the B and D strings quickly.
 
e|--3----3-3---|
B|--0----1-0---|
G|--0----0-0---|
D|--0----2-0---|
A|--0----0-0---|
E|--3----3-3---|
 
But my pinky and ring struggle to get to the start position so I just do this instead. It's just a G, quickly
to a Cadd9 then back to G. Sounds very similar to what he's doing.
 
e|--3----3-3---|
B|--3----3-3---|
G|--0----0-0---|
D|--0----2-0---|
A|--2----3-2---|
E|--3----x-3---|
 
 
[Verse 1]
G
Well, I can't afford to pay this month's rent
G
On cigarettes and booze, all my money's been spent
C
That letter from the bailiffs it looks quite serious
G                                  D            G
How those people sleep at night is quite mysterious
G
I've got a payment plan for the electricity
G
By Christmas I will have paid them off, Christmas 2033
C
My Mum gave me a tenner to buy dinner for the night
G                        D      G
But I put every penny on Black 29
C
Now I've got no money to buy food and wine
    G                       D     G
and I'm just hanging out in Aisle 5
 
 
[Chorus 1]
           C                     G
There's an unexpected item in my bagging area
C                   G
I don't know how it got there-ea
    C                           G
The man is coming over and it's getting scarier
  C             D            G
I think this machine must be broken.
 
 
[Verse 2]
      G
Now I'm no thief, stealing is really not my style
      G
Those self-checkouts they really drive me wild
      C
I can swap the labels around from the deli-counter
  G                                D               G
I feel a bit like Jesus when I put wine through as water
      G
I can pretend to scan something, make the beeping with my mouth
   G
It doesn't feel wrong because no one loses out
         C
So I was just finalising the details of my plan
G                         D         G
Filling up my basket with real pork ham
     C
When suddenly I looked up and there was my friend's Mum
           G                            D           G
And in the light of Aisle 5, she looked weirdly attractive
 
[Chrous 2]
           C                     G
There's an unexpected item in my private area
C                   G
I don't know how it got there-ea
C                              G
Now she's coming over and it's getting scarier
  C        D           G
I think my morals have broken.
 
[Verse 3]
      G
She's looking at my shopping and says "Wow, You must be plush!
     G
I've got a full time job and I can't afford that stuff"
   C
I said "We only ever have 'Taste The Difference' of Course!
   G                             D          G
I never get the basics brands, I don't like horse"
G
Then I realise she was quite delighted.
G
All the premium branded food was getting her excited
       C
So she takes me by the hand, I try to explain "I'm just not ready!"
        G                          D                G
But she makes a make-shift bed out boxes of Frosted Shreddies
C
Half an hour later I'm praying it doesn't turn blue
  G                           D            G
I don't know how I feel about stealing for two.
 
[Chorus 3]
           C                      G
There's an unexpected item in her bagging area
C                   G
I don't know how it got there-ea
C                                  G
The midwife's coming over and it's getting scarier
         C                  D          G
But it's nice to know my machine isn't broken